I'll Take Your God Filled Soul
by illwearthedress
Summary: After their trip to Purgatory, Dean and Cas manage to get out. But how did the Angel survive the escape ? Cas might have to go through a big change to find out... Rated T for now but probably M later for future smut !
1. Chapter 1

_Hi, guys, so this is my first shot at a Destiel fanfic - or any fanfic for that matter. This first chapter may not be extremely captivating but i promise it'll get better afterwards. I changed some things about the storyline - no Amelia, for starters.. I'll let you find out. So yeah, tell me what you think, and if there's anything i should change, let me know by leaving a review !_

_I own nothing (sadly)._

_So here you go !_

* * *

'What the fu–'

Sam didn't have the time to finish his sentence as the tall figure in the doorway stumbled towards him, nearly tripping on his torn jeans. Sam took hold of Ruby's knife in his hands, clutching it, ready to attack. The silhouette, unrecognizable in the dim light, lifted its eyes and met Sam's suspicious gaze. He took a step forward, holding out his hand, as if reaching for him.

The hunter's eyes narrowed, he was stepping back, keeping a safe distance between him and the stranger. Sam internally slapped himself for not keeping some holy water in his pockets, in case situations like that happened. He had no idea who – or what – was in front of him and unless he deliberately came closer, therefore put himself in danger, he had no way to know what he was dealing with. He was tempted by just lunging to the guy, but he remembered that once someone had told him to ask questions first. And depending on the answer, perhaps kill afterward.

'Who the hell are you ?' he pressed, his tone as rough and aggressive as he could manage. He heard an inaudible answer from the man.

'What do you want ?' he ordered, doing his best to maintain a few feets between himself and the intruder.

The breathy reply finally found its way to Sam's ears.

'Sammy, please.'

A look of confusion crossed the hunter's face, and he squinted his eyes even more to try and see the face of the man. Their eyes met again, and the emerald green of the guy's irises glimmered in the feeble light of the lamp. Sam dropped his knife.

'Wha – Dean ?'

The other hunter sighed too heavily and cringed in pain, sliding down against the wall. His brother opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't even have time to react as flapping sounds echoed around the room. Sam snapped his head around, and the next instant, a man in a tan trench coat zapped in and fell to his knees. He seemed equally as exhausted as Dean. The man who had been holding a knife, all his senses in alert barely seconds ago, was stuck still, dumbfounded. He was mouthing nonsense, his brows were furrowed deeply, but it only took him a few seconds to come back to his senses. The angel's fallen to the floor, face pressed against the parquet, unmoving. Sam rushed to his brother who's breathing heavily, eyes shut. He dragged him over to an armchair in the center of the motel room.

'Dean ? Dean, tell me what happened,' the man insisted, relief and confusion obvious in his voice. He tapped his hand softly to his brother's cheek, hoping it would wake him.

'Tired,' Dean slurred with in hoarse tone, extending the last syllable. It was obvious he was trying to keep his eyes open, but his eyelids seemed too heavy, and soon his eyes rolled back in his head and his neck tilted to the side. Sam took a moment to take in the fact that his brother, that has been missing for a bit more than a year, was now right there, in front of him, the angel with him. They had vanished with Dick Roman, and Sam was left alone with no clue of where they could've went.

Dozens of bruises were covering the man's body, his eyes were swollen and dark trails of blood were drying on his face. Anxiety soared in Sam's veins, he was wide-eyed, his mind working a hundred mile per hour to figure out what to do.

After making sure his brother was truly here, alive and whole, and that he wasn't just going barking mad, Sam walked over to Castiel, bending over his unconscious body. If it weren't for the unmistakable coat, Sam would probably have had trouble admitting this was an angel. He's covered in dirt and blood, though it seemed to be mainly somebody else's. He only had minor cuts on his hands and face. His position on the floor kind of mirrorred a tortured soul's, his back arched and his fists and teeth clenched. Castiel's lips were parted, the sound of his uneven breathing filling the room. His eyes were only slightly open, showing the white part of his eyes, and his brows were furrowed. The eyeballs were moving behind his closed eyelids, as if the angel was in a deep, dreadful nightmare. The sight sent shivers down Sam's spine.

Sliding his hands under his friend's arms, Sam carried him rather clumsily to his bed and lied the limp body down. The springs bounced and creaked under the angel's weight. As soon as he was on the mattress, Castiel's entire body tensed again and returned to its former position. Exhaling loudly, Sam stood in the room, his eyes darting from Dean, slumped in the armchair, sound asleep (and slightly snoring), to Castiel, shaking, fist tightened around air, jaw tight.

He flopped down in a chair and craddled his head in his hands with a desperate but still somewhat relieved sigh. Hundreds of questions were flooding his mind, and even though he had made sure he was not crazy, he kept glancing at the sleeping forms in his room, hoping they'd not vanish.

Unable to fully calm down and get a restful night's sleep, Sam grabbed a book and sat at the small table, reading under the feeble light of the bedside lamp.

Oh, he really couldn't wait for explanations.

He eventually fell asleep on the table, eyes red and puffy from the lack of sleep.

* * *

The loud thumping sound of his blood flowing through his body had never been so irritating. Dean felt like his head was about to explode, his temples were pulsing fiercely. The stinging taste of blood in his mouth made him grimace. His throat felt like sandpaper whenever he tried to swallow. He cracked open an eyelid, his vision was unfocused for a minute and the pain coursing through his chest made it hard for him to concentrate.

Eventually, his gaze fell on Sam, his arms laid across the table, still holding a book in his hands. The sight of his sleeping brother was touching, and Dean thought it was one of those rare moments when his brother seemed peaceful. It did feel like he hadn't seen his only family in an eternity. The corners of his mouth twitched lightly. Dean cleared his throat to call out Sam, but the action sent him through a terrible coughing fit, making the pain in his ribs triple – and efficiently waking his brother up, at least..

The tall man turned his head to face his brother, damn near choking in the armchair. The coughing ceased eventually, and Dean could finally stare back at his sibling...who was smiling.

'Well, don't you look like shit,' Sam chuckled, but the fondness was clear in his voice. His tone was saying _I missed you, idiot_, and the feeling couldn't be more obvious, even if Sam had wanted it.

The muscles of Dean's face were hurting a little from the beaming, but he really couldn't care less.

_Home_, Dean thought, his eyes closing again. He breathed in the scent of old sheets and dirt. _Oh, motels, how I've missed you._

Dean wanted to throw back a snarky remark, but his last attempt at talking had ended up pretty badly, so instead he mimed a drinking gesture. His brother seemed to understand as he stood up, yawning and stretching, and went to fetch him some water.

After having gulped probably ten gallons of water, Dean sighed heavily and tried speaking again. His voice was raspy and low, but at least a sound's coming out and he smiled.

'Hi.'

Sam, who seemed to have awakened fully, was staring at his brother with prying eyes.

_Sammy, please not now._

'So,' the hunter started, 'mind telling me where you've been for the past year and a half ?'

Dean's face became deadly serious. He frowned slightly and pursed his lips. With another deep, loud exhale, the hunter replied.

'Purgatory.'

Waiting for a sequel of some sorts, Sam just continued his staring. After long seconds of silence, it dawned on Sam that his brother was obviously not planning on expatiating.

'Could you, uh, I don't know, develop a tiny bit ? Please ?' he pried. Sam's politeness sounded fake to Dean's ears, which only caused him to snap.

'I went to Purgatory when I stood too close to exploding Dick, spent a year in there, became best buddies with Leviathans, came back, period.'

The moment the words came out, Dean regretted it.

His brother looked confused and upset, a tiny bit hurt by Dean's reaction. Instead of spatting out an answer just as rude and aggressive, Sam took a deep breath.

'Look, Dean. From what I get here, it was far from easy, but help me out here,' he pleaded. 'I'm trying to understand. You – you were gone for a whole year, I had no way to know where you were. I tried, I swear I tried, I read every book about Leviathans and demons and nothing was explaining how you could've disappeared. Don't be like that, I just want to know what happened.'

'I know, I – I'm sorry, Sammy, I just, it...' Dean stuttered. 'It was really tough. We killed Dick and the next thing I know I was in this place, it was night and I heard those noises, monsters, footsteps and I was alone because Cas had...' Dean stopped abruptly in his rambling.

'Where's Cas.' Dean didn't even make it a question, it's a demand, an order, _tell me where Cas is, right, freaking, now._

A fond smile spread on the hunter's face. 'He's here, don't worry. He's unconscious, though, I – Dean what are you doing ?' Sam sighed in amused despair at the sight of his brother wriggling in his seat.

'Standing up.'

Sam was now up on his feet next to the chair, looking down on Dean.

'No such luck, so far, huh ?' he chuckled as he extended his hand in front of him. Dean pretended he hadn't heard the comment, grasped his brother's arm, stood up gawkily and managed staying that way with something resembling balance. Sam tilted his head toward the bed, where the angel was lying.

He tried to maneuver himself to his friend, his brother observing him with non-flickering concentration, and failed miserably. Sam suppressed a chuckle, when he was internally really just giggling, and helped Dean up, again.

'I can hear you laughing, Sammy, and it's pretty fucking loud,' Dean grumbled, but he really was just happy that his brother was still a total jerk and had obviously decided not to treat him like a cripple.

With Sam supporting his weight on his shoulder, they went to check on the angel. Castiel was still in the same position, and the sight made Sam sigh heavily. Dean's brows furrowed and he tore his eyes from the ghoulish body.

'What's up with him ?' he asked, worry distinct in his voice.

'I don't know,' the hunter admited with another loud exhale. 'He's been like that since you guys popped up here.'

'What can we do ?' Dean said, although he doubted they had any guide book about angelic seizures, or whatever the hell this was.

'I don't know, I'm far from being educated about celestial beings. I suppose we just have to wait it out.' Dean didn't like this idea in the least. Seeing their friend, _his _friend this way was bad enough, and knowing they couldn't do anything about it was even more outraging.

Sam was tugging at his shirt, urging him to go sit back down – probably in order to fish some more data about Dean's trip to Purgatory. Dropping his gaze to the floor, Dean indulged and followed his brother. He didn't give him the time to try and ease his questions in the conversation.

'What was I saying ?' he asked, but it's a rhetorical question, and he kept going reluctantly. 'So, I was alone. I survived the night, I don't even know how. There's really not much to tell, Sam, I spent a year slaying vampires, Leviathans, rugarus, all kinds of monster we used to hunt, y'know. At some point I...' Dean hesitated, fidgeting his jacket. Should he tell the truth ?

'I found Cas. Total accident. He was just there and he said he knew a way to get out. A portal, or something. We eventually found it, Leviathans were everywhere. It looked bad, Sammy. Really bad, it didn't feel like we could get out in one piece.' With a quick glance to his brother's bed where the angel laid, Dean added: 'But we did. We did get out and here we are.'

Sam looked confused, his gaze was traveling around the room.

'Wait, how can it be that simple to get out of Purgatory ? That's...Look Dean, I'm really glad you got outta there, but that sounds a little too easy, don't you think ?'

'That's what I thought too, man,' Dean agreed. 'And the first time Cas mentioned that way out, he told me there was no way he could leave, too. He just kept saying that if he came with me, it'd kill him, that it'd be too dangerous.' He frowned even more and stared at his brother right in the eyes. 'I have no idea how he came out, Sam.'

'Maybe he got lucky, but the trip drained him and now he's in this...weird, creepy comatose state,' Sam said with a reassuring smile, gesturing vaguely to the bed. 'Maybe he was afraid, so he told himself he couldn't get out.'

Dean snorted.

'There's no such thing as _luck_ out there. 'Fight or die' is the freaking motto, no in between, no random, no chance involved. Something's off about this.'

'We've been lucky for our entire life, with us it's _all _about luck. Look Dean, why don't we figure it out later, because right now, I just want to enjoy a good beer and a pizza with my brother.'

The hunter beamed at him, his previous worry suddenly vanishing at the mention of food. The issue was still hanging in the air, but it was pushed aside for the moment. The two men sat – slouched – on the couch and watched football for the major part of the day, Dean devouring his pizzas, _plural_, and emptying a six-pack in several hours. He glanced every now and then to check on the angel, and sighed when each time, he saw the body hadn't moved an inch.

Eventually, after an entire afternoon of laziness, Dean realized that one of the things missing in Purgatory was hygiene. He was craving for a good shower. He stood up and locked himself in the bathroom. He stripped quickly and stepped into the bathtub, turning the water maximum. With a rather loud groan that he hoped his brother didn't hear, he let the hot stream soothe his sore muscles. His palm was pressing against the ceramic wall and Dean could feel his entire body give in to the warmth and suddenly his legs felt weak, his nerves finally relaxing after months of constant fear and tension.

The next second, Dean was crying.

It wasn't big sobs that would wrack his body, it wasn't loud wails. It was silent, tears streamed like a torrent down his cheeks, it was simply the evacuation of all that had happened this past year, the exhaustion from fighting some of the most terrible beasts that God had ever created, the relief of having found his brother, the concern for his friend lying unconscious on this bed, the disbelief of surviving it all.

Dean stayed forehead pressed against the shower wall for nearly an hour, doing his best to empty his head and stop the tears from falling. He stepped out of the shower, maybe even more tired than when he got in but somewhat relaxed. He checked the small clock above the mirror. It showed eight p.m.

_Wait what ? _

A sharp knock on the door startled the hunter. He caught his breath and answered in a raspy voice.

'What ?'

'Uh, just checking you're still alive. You've been in there for, like, three hours.' Sam chuckled a little. 'You okay, man ?'

'Yeah, I'm good,' Dean replied, and he was, he was good. Most of his life was a mess, but he was alive, Cas would be fine, and he was considering the fact that they had gotten out of Purgatory out of sheer luck. After all, he and his brother freaking stopped the _Apocalypse._

Chance had to have something to do with it.

'Dean, come on !' a muffled voice said from the main room. 'Only one burger left !'

Dean jumped in his jeans, threw a shirt over his shoulders and hurried to the couch. He slumped heavily on the cushions, took a huge gulp of his beer and leaned his head back with a sigh.

'What's wrong ?' his brother asked absentmindedly, his eyes not leaving the football game running on the screen.

'Nothing,' Dean grinned. 'I'm in heaven,' he added before taking a huge bite of his sandwich.


	2. Chapter 2

The days passed and Dean was slowly regaining strength. The fatigue felt less intense and the hunter was finally sleeping less than sixteen hours a day. His ribs were still aching – he assumed several were cracked – but the bruises on his body were beginning to fade, turning a yellowish color. Sam regularly insisted on taking him to an hospital, but the hunter refused bluntly.

'I don't need docs, Sam. When Cas wakes up he'll fix me up,' Dean huffed, obstinate.

'But what if Cas –'

'No, no listen to me,' Dean interrupted, his tone a bit harsh. 'There's no if's. Cas'll heal me. End of question.'

Sam didn't bother answering when his brother left his former place in front of him to grab a beer and sit on the couch, grumbling. He rolled his eyes at the grumpy man turning his back to him in the main room, and his gaze dropped to the angel, unmoving.

'You better wake up soon,' he whispered, and it could almost be a prayer.

Two weeks after they came back, Dean and Sam started looking for cases. The hunter wanted to get back in the game. They tried to find small demons to exorcise, sometimes they would leave the state to chase vampires, shapeshifters, wendigos. On the first few cases, Dean had to let his brother finish the job, the pain in his chest and his head often too hard to bear. Although his brother was worrying more and more about his state, it got better over the days and Dean was gaining confidence.

They never left for more than a week, on Dean's request. Even though he enjoyed the thrill of hunting, his mind kept drifting back to Cas. He felt uncomfortable about leaving the angel alone – this thought sounded stupid to Dean because he shouldn't be worried about leaving one of God's soldiers on his own. But Castiel wasn't a convenient demon-killing gadget, he was their friend, and the hunter disquieted more than he'd like to admit. He tried to keep in mind that it's an angel they're talking about and that there was no chance in hell he could die this way. Dean made it a promise, he wouldn't let Castiel die.

* * *

About a month later, as Dean was sitting in the driver's seat of the Impala with his brother next to him, coming back from an exhaustive hunt, Sam decided to confront him.

'Uh, Dean ?' he began, hesitant. His brother acknowledged him with a low humming sound.

'It's been nearly two months,' he said bluntly, the words coming out of his mouth as if he'd been holding them for ages.

'What're you talking about ?' Dean feigned ignorance. He'd been avoiding the subject for a few days, sensing Sam's discomfort around him.

'Don't act stupid, you perfectly know what I'm talking about.'

'Yes, well what about it ?' the hunter smiled awkwardly, doing his best to hide his rising annoyance.

'Look, I'm not saying there's no hope, here,' Sam continued, 'but you should start considering the possibility that...Cas may not...wake up.' He said the last two words very lowly, almost not daring to submit his thoughts to his brother.

Dean's fists tightened around the wheel, his knuckles turning white. The corner of his mouth twitched a bit.

'Sam, it's not that I'm not considering it, but I don't see why Cas, a freaking _angel_, would die like tha – '

'I am merely suggesting,' Sam interrupted, rising his voice and inhaling deeply, 'that, in case he doesn't come back, we should try to think about a way to get rid of...' He stopped speaking as he realized what just came out of his mouth.

'Of his body ?' Dean growled. 'That's what you were gonna say, wasn't it ?' The anger boiling in Dean's veins was nearly too hard to contain and the hunter exhaled heavily, jaw tight, and smoke could be coming out of his ears.

'You insensitive bastard,' Dean uttered, disbelieving, trying to maintain his eyes on the road. 'Cas has saved us a hundred of times, he saved _your_ freaking life when you were going barking mad after coming back from Hell, even though he knew it'd mean take in all your demons and suffer from it.'

Sam shivered at the mention his former stay in the asylum. He quickly shook the feeling away with a shrug.

'But we have no idea what to do, Dean !' his brother shouted. 'I would agree with you if we had something to go on, but here ? We got nothing. We don't even know what's wrong with the guy !'

'At least we know he's alive ! Damn it, Sam, doesn't that mean anything to you ?'

'Hey, I care about Cas as much as you do.' Dean sniggered at that. 'But it doesn't change the problem : what the hell can we do ?'

'Look, an angel risked his life for us,' the tone in Dean's voice was softer. Sam sighed heavily. 'Don't you think he deserves more than a month ? We haven't really looked for solutions, Sam, admit it. We saw he wasn't okay and we just went with the fact that we couldn't do anything. Which isn't true !'

A long silence ensued.

'We owe him that, man.'

'You owe me nothing.'

* * *

Dean jumped two feet high and let go of the steering wheel, his foot pushing heavily against the brakes. The tires screeched against the tar and the car's passengers were projected forward. Sam flattened his hands in front of him, keeping himself from flying headfirst in the scoreboard, Dean's chest hit the wheel and he groaned loudly, something that sounded like a 'fuck', shutting his eyes.

'Cas, what the hell ?' Sam practically yelled, spinning around to glare at the small figure in the shadow.

The angel's breathing was heavy and uneven as if he'd just come back from a run, and he was frowning, his hands gripping the headrests. Dean had his head pressed against the window, Cas' fingers brushing his ear, and he was still trying to catch his breath. He pulled on his seatbelt and coughed a little to get his brother's attention.

'We'll have to do something about those,' he huffed in an high-pitched, choked voice. The ghost of a smile crossed Sam's face and he nodded slightly before he turned his attention back to Castiel.

'I apologize if I startled you,' the angel said, recovering from whatever had rendered him breathless.

'Yeah thanks,' Dean responded sarcastically, inhaling deeply. He shifted in his seat and turned around, mirroring his brother's position and stared at the angel. He'd almost died from the jumpscare, and he was considering admonishing his friend like he always did, but the indescribable relief was taking over his mind. 'What's up with you ?' he inquired when he saw the man panting.

'I am not at full power. Flying to you was...grueling,' the angel replied, lowering his gaze to stare at his knees.

'Then why didn't you wait for us ?'

'The note said I had to come immediately,' the angel answered, confused.

The two brothers looked at each other with wide eyes, shrugging. Obviously, they were both bemused that Cas had made it. Neither of them had been optimistic as far as their friend was concerned, even though Dean had refused to admit it. They shifted in their seats, the hunter started the engine and headed back to the motel. The ride was quiet, tons of questions were floating in the Winchesters' minds but none of them were spoken out loud.

'You're thinking very loudly,' Castiel said eventually, breaking the silence. 'Why don't you ask your questions ?'

'It's kinda hard focusing on only _one_ thing, here,' Dean replied, smiling.

'We don't even know where to start,' his brother added as the hunter pulled up in the motel parking lot.

They climbed out of the car awkwardly and Dean turned around to observe his car.

'I hope your brakes are okay,' he said, low enough for only himself to hear. Seeing that the angel hadn't come out yet, he

poked his head through the opened window of the driver's seat and called for his friend.

'I'm here,' a low voice vibrated right behind him.

The hunter leaped again, nearly hitting his head as he clumsily backed away from the car.

'God damnit ! Told you not to do that !' Dean rebuked, holding his still aching chest. 'Not twenty minutes ago you weren't at full powers, jeez !'

As Dean spun around on his heels to join his brother, standing a few feet away, chuckling, the angel frowned and tilted his head to the side, observing the hunter walking gawkily in front of him. He leisurely caught up with him and stood in his way, piercing blue eyes meeting the puzzled, emerald gaze of his friend. Castiel pressed his palm against his chest, his other hand flat on Dean's shoulder to steady himself. Tingling shivers ran down the man's spine when the angel's skin squeezed his hand-shaped scar, hidden underneath his leather jacket. A bright light emanated from Castiel's hand and a loud cracking sound echoed in the lot, followed by Dean's pained groan. The man looked up and murmured a _thank you, _but the trench-coated figure was already striding towards the motel room with Sam.

Castiel left the brothers for a moment when he realized he hasn't cleaned himself up yet. His beard was becoming more than messy and itchy and his yore beige coat was now a dark shade of gray with large patches of dry blood. He locked himself up in the bathroom. A few minutes later, the angel came out, the celestial magic having done its work.

'Better ?' he said with a smile.

Sam casually acquiesced and Dean lifted his eyes. His lips parted slightly, and he sat up. A tightening feeling made him press his palm to his stomach. He smiled awkwardly and breathed out a 'yeah'.

_What the hell was that ?_

The three of them sat around the circular table, the two brothers staring down at their coffee trying to choose the right question to start with. Eventually, Sam spoke up.

'So, tell me one thing. How did you get out ? Dean just gave me a pretty vague version.' He stared at Castiel expectantly.

The angel seemed relieved that the uncomfortable silence was finally broken.

'Well, we were somehow sent to this pit when we silenced Dick Roman. We got separated. Dean found me eventually and he was accompanied by a vam–' Deans cut his sentence by coughing loudly. He mumbled a sorry and he prayed for Cas to stop talking and look at him.

The angel appeared perplexed when he met the hunter's intense glare. He thought he could see an infinitesimal shake of his friend's head. Castiel's eyes traveled between the two siblings. 'I...knew about the portal,' he said, frowning. 'We walked across Purgatory, and eventually we found the gate. Frankly, I didn't think I would survive.' He stopped for a second, his accusing stare turning towards Dean.

'I suppose I was...fortunate.'

Sam smirked, completely oblivious as to what Castiel had just done, and nodded towards his brother with wide eyes, mouthing 'I told you so'. The man just rolled his eyes, but within he was letting out a long and loud relieved sigh. Thank God, Cas had accepted to lie for him. He'd have to thank him later.

Dean decided to change the subject, and summed up the past weeks in a few sentences. He quickly explained the angel's former state, and asked if the angel recalled dreaming about anything. Castiel shook his head in reply.

'That's strange. You blacked out for like, a month and it really didn't look like you were in a peaceful sleep,' Dean commented, brows furrowing.

'I don't know. Perhaps my celestial powers were wholly drained when I crossed the gate from Purgatory, so I was simply unconscious.'

'That's what I thought, too,' Sam agreed_. _With that, he stood and grabbed his jacket to pick up some food from the store he saw a few miles down the road. Dean and Cas were left alone, still sitting at the table. The hunter picked this moment to talk to the angel, while his brother was away.

'Thank you, by the way,' he started, but he was cut off as he opened his mouth to add something.

'I dislike lying, Dean. Tell your brother about the vampire.' It was an order, and the low tone the angel used sent shivers down the hunter's spine. He shrugged the feeling away.

'I can't, okay ? After what I did to Amy, he has no reason to let Benny live.'

'Perhaps because leaving your friend alive isn't the right thing to do,' Castiel said and Dean cringed.

'He's the one who got us out of Purgatory !' the hunter exclaimed, dropping his fist on the table with a loud sound, a brutal fit of wrath taking over his brain . 'Look, I'll tell Sam someday, alright ? Just not right now.' Dean stood up, rattling his chair and ending the conversation. As he passed next to the angel, he halted and exhaled. He laid his hand on his shoulder.

'I'm sorry. It's good to have you back,' the hunter said, only loud enough for the angel to discern his words. He turned his head as if trying to see Dean out the corner of his eyes. His light stubble brushed against the man's knuckles, and the hunter wanted to slip his hand away but a forceful grip wrapped around his wrist and stopped him.

'I shouldn't have escaped, Dean.'

'What do you mean ?' the man asked, confused.

'I should have stayed. To pay my debts,' the reply was harsh, sincere, and all the hunter could do was sit back down to face his friend.

'Don't think for one second you belonged in Purgatory. You don't owe anything to anyone.'

'When I was...bad, I caused a lot of suffering on Earth.' He paused for a second. 'But I devastated Heaven, I vaporized thousands of my own kind and I do– I, I can't continue my life here knowing what Heaven's become, what I... what _I made of it_.' Castiel stopped talking, holding his gaze upon the bright green eyes. 'I deserved to stay in Purgatory, Dean.'

Dean's eyes widened infinitesimally and he leaned back ever-so-slightly in his chair, his lips parted and brows arched. Suddenly, his posture changed, he bent over the table, resting on his elbows, and his face switched to deadly serious, his dark gaze diving into the deep blue irises.

'You made mistakes. You thought you were doing the right thing, right ? Cas, you're not a bad person.'

Castiel dropped his eyes to his hands flattened over his kneecaps.

'I would have to disagree with that,' he nearly whispered, his voice low and rough.

Just as Dean was about to object, Sam entered, cutting the conversation short. The angel stood up to help, smiling casually and effectively keeping Dean from tackling the subject again.

After a quick meal, they search for a bigger case now that Castiel was back on his feet. They found some murders in Illinois, strange enough to be considered as a work. The trio hit the road, looking for a new motel in that area. Dean drove the whole way there until the early hours of the morning. He kept glancing in the rear-view mirror, usually to find out the angel had already been staring. Castiel glanced away everytime, occupying his hands in a very human way to avoid any conversation. They eventually stopped in a motel in Illinois. The two siblings slouched on the beds and fell asleep within minutes, the angel watching over them like they had done for him during the past couple of months.

* * *

_Second chapter ! Hope you like it, leave a review, it'll motivate me !_


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